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Marijuana and Micropenis

// November 22nd, 2009 // I Love LA.

Last night after mojitos and cannabis brownies a couple of guy friends and myself got onto a discussion on penis size.  I did not consume the cannabis brownies, by the way.  That would be illegal.  My friend who we’ll call Jari did though, because through the beauty of California law he may consume marijuana legally.  Yep, according to Proposition 215 and California Senate bill 420 as a medicinal marijuana patient he may possess up to 8 oz of dried marijuana as long as he maintains his state medical marijuana ID card.  Which he does. 

 

“The average penis size is 4 inches.  I remember reading that in college.”  I say.  In my Human Sexual Behavior class I’d learned all sorts of fun things.  “I don’t believe that.”  My friend who we’ll call Jon says.  So I retrieve my college textbook from the place of honor it still occupies on my bookshelf, “Sexual Interactions.”  I leaf through the index, flip the page to  find my place and read aloud “When flaccid, the average penis is about 3.9 inches in length and about 3.75 inches in circumference.” 

 

“I was talking about an erect penis!”  Jon says.  I scan down the page and read “An erect penis is about 6.3 inches in length and about 4.85 inches in circumference.”  Being a highly visual person myself and understanding that less auditory people need to see to understand I retrieve my measuring tape and measure out 6.3 inches, holding the tape out for Jon and Jari to observe as they continue to sink into the couch cushions.  Neither one seem especially happy to see the measurement which concerns me that one or both of them may have an unusually small member in which case I have just hurt their sense of self esteem and self worth.  Not wanting to be the cause of anyone’s unhappiness or ill feelings towards their body, I search the book for something to make things better. 

 

I find just the paragraph.  “Medical literature contains reports of men whose penises do not exceed 1 cm when erect.”  I figure there’s no way their penises can be as small as that so this for sure will make them feel better.  “This condition is sometimes called micropenis.”  The smiles lighting up their faces, Jari says “I pray every night and say ‘Thank you God for all your blessings, including my regular-size penis.  Even though God says ‘You‘re welcome but it‘s not quite regular size.” 
Javi bites into his pot brownie.  Which I‘m guessing is delicious.  “Certainly there are no condoms made for someone diagnosed with micropenis.” someone blurts out.  We ponder this for a moment.

 

“There’s just no way you can masturbate with a 1 centimeter penis.”  I say.  “Yes, you can.  You just flick it”  Jari says as we all burst into sustained laughter that goes on so long it turns into dry heaving.

 

After an hour of micropenis talk the party breaks up and I fall asleep in my bed happy that I live in a land where people can eat pot brownies, discuss 1 centimeter penises and write blogs creating awareness about the condition micropenis.