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Greystone Mansion

// March 27th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // I Love LA.

“Bel, do you wanna picnic at Greystone Mansion?”  Christine had called to ask.  “Do I?  Of course!”  I said even before I knew that Greystone Mansion was used in the filming of The Big Lebowski and Batman and Robin. 

Greystone Mansion is one of those gorgeous pockets of Los Angeles abounding in beauteous wildlife such as turtles, coy, flowers, avocado trees, and water fountains.  Tudor-style, the 16-acre Beverly Hills estate was purchased in 1965 by the city and became a city park now open to the public. 

For our grand picnic I made guacamole, baked fragrant chocolate cupcakes and got my butt over to the Mansion.  This happened to be on the exact day that the Los Angeles City Marathon was taking place, which whipped up some inner strife inside of me when I was delayed, re-routed and stifled by the traffic and roadblocks present on Sunset boulevard.

It was worth it though to sit on the grass and break the “no picnics” rule stated on the parking lot bulletin board.  People walking by kept staring as I pulled my red mini-skirt down.  It was my attempt at being blushing and bashful unlike Tara Reid’s hooker character in The Big Lebowski.

No Taxes, “To Go” Food

// March 16th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

Today I made a discovery at the Los Angeles Coffee Bean across from the Wiltern on Wilshire and Western.  The employee in her hat and dark eyeliner asked me “Do you want that for here or to go?”  I was only purchasing a packaged caramel chocolate cookie.  “Does it really matter with this item?”  I asked as clearly there was no need for a “to go” bag.  “Actually yes, since we add tax if you are dining in.”  Hmm. 

So there you have it, friends.  Sitting your booty on a chair at Coffee Bean equals added sales tax on your bakery food items and hot beverages, whereas “to go” does not (as long as you are not purchasing any other hot food).  This is if the establishment, like Coffee Bean, chooses this policy and not the “let’s just tax everything!” policy of Starbucks. 

Here’s another titillating fact.  California has the highest state sales tax.

Take That! The Finger and American Idol.

// March 12th, 2010 // 7 Comments » // I Love LA., LA Done Me Wrong

It’s true. On the way in I felt the urge to flick off his security guard. So I did. The security guard totally deserved it.

It was 11:45pm and I was outside of Michael and Ray’s lavish West Hollywood apartment building. I pressed the buzzer button, waiting to be buzzed inside the building. The buzzer was taking it’s sweet time. Upon observation of the glass door, however, I saw it was conveniently ajar so I pushed it opened. Apparently this infuriated the security guard who until this moment I had not seen at all despite the fact that he was standing several feet away at the bottom of the staircase. “BUZZ YOURSELF IN JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!” I had just walked through the door, and at that moment the door began to buzz and I said “See, I buzzed myself in, just like everyone else. Thank you for your KIND POLITENESS!” I ran to the elevator. Realizing, however, that I hadn’t really given him the telling off he deserved, even though the words “kind” and “politeness” were dripping with sarcasm, I looked down through the glass elevator walls to see him looking up at me. I gave him the finger. It probably wasn’t a pretty sight since I hadn’t gotten a mani pedi in awhile but I think I did the right thing.

In other news, I really like Siobhan Magnus. She is endearingly expressive and I’m so glad she is one of American Idol’s top 12 right now.

A Night in Los Angeles

// March 10th, 2010 // 11 Comments » // I Love LA.

Since Bel has gone on hiatus because she’s involved in a serious case of infatuation, I thought I might fill in for her lack of Blogging with my own Los Angeles story.  As soon as she has a second to get away from the relationship and to a computer, she’ll be back (meaning she’ll do the next blog).  I’m Brandon and a good friend of hers in case you were wondering.

First let me throw out two blatant plugs before I get into my own Los Angeles story.  I’m a comedian and video editor.  Come see me at the Ice House Annex in Pasadena on Monday 3/15 $5, two drink minimum.  Bel will be there.  Secondly, if you need a editor pick me.

 
So last week I was given some misleading information about the Pig’n Whistle’s open mic night for comics, being told incorrectly that it was Tuesday and Bel, her brother and his girlfriend, let’s call them “Richard and Christine,” showed up to see me.  Much to my pain there was no such open mic taking place that day, but rather the following day.  Richard and Christine were really nice, but Bel, besides showing off her very sparkly pink nail polish, was in a bad mood.  She was sort of a Be–ach! No biggie, we all have our moments.  What can I say, you’re all friends with her, I was just in shock that her infectious positive energy was noticeably absent.  We talked for a bit, and then they left.  Already inside Pig’n Whistle I decided a pint of Bass Ale might do me good.  Sipping my second pint, I met a woman that I really hit if off with, the first woman in my life to write down all of her info for me, meticulously, on a napkin.  I hadn’t even asked!  She seemed like a potential, friend/mate, but she lives in NY!

 
After she left, and onto my third pint, I met this guy, and he said, “I’m drinking Tequila,” I said, “I’m drinking Beer.”  He bought me several shots of Tequila and suggested that we go to a Karaoke Bar.  On the way to the club he asked me if I was Gay and I said, “No, are you?”  He said, “No” but suspiciously continued to buy me Tequila and Coronas all night.   After drinking him under the table I called two of my female friends who are homosexual yet paradoxically Republican and born again and don’t drink, for ride home at two in the morning.  Despite our political and religious views being opposite, they still picked me up.

When I woke up the next day, it took me a few minutes to remember how I got home and realize that I must have been looking freaking hot that night, since I drank free all night long and was hit on by both sexes!

Where else can you get an ego boost like that besides Los Angeles?