A Funeral, A Life

// May 19th, 2011 // Random

Me & Tom Bridegroom on his birthday

I kiss my fiance when I come home. I fall asleep with him in my arms. I hold his hand when we go hiking. If he was taken from me it would hurt. If he was taken from me and I wasn’t allowed to attend his funeral because his parents didn’t approve of our relationship that would hurt even more. That’s what happened a day ago to my friend Shane who was not allowed to attend the funeral of the man he’d been with for six years who’d died suddenly at the age of 29. His partner, Tom Bridegroom, was laid to rest in Knox, Indiana, where Tom’s father banned Shane from the services. Mind you, Tom’s father is allegedly Christian and took great issue with his son being gay. I grew up allegedly Christian as well, with my bearded dad who loudly voiced his own anti-gay sentiment while also preaching Jesus’ love.

Which made me wonder, how many times in the Bible does Jesus say to mistreat gay people? None, of course. Jesus, who Christians believe to be God’s own son in human form, himself hung out with people considered the lowest form of sinners such as prostitutes and tax collectors, to show love, humility and mercy. Which inspires me to be compassionate towards Tom’s dad, who in his own state of grieving for his lost son, ostracized the man his son loved most in the world, while also completely ignoring one of the main two things Jesus wanted to get across.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22.37-40 ESV) 

My heart hurts for Shane. At the same time, I know the love he and Tom had will live on. The love Tom gave everyone will live on. When I was the receptionist at ACME, it was Tom with his warmth and charisma who received the most phone calls. Just being in the same room with him made me happier. “Bel, how are you?” Tom would say to me, and flash his big, gorgeous smile. I loved his laugh and have my suspicions that he came into this world to inspire, laugh and love. His time to move on came May 7th, 2011, and it has changed the lives of the hundreds of people who knew and loved him.

* Tom’s LA memorial is tentatively scheduled for 6/25/2011.

 

4 Responses to “A Funeral, A Life”

  1. Richard says:
    May 19, 2011 at 8:04 am

    As I recall, Jesus said “the healthy don’t need a doctor”, or words to that effect, so when He “hung out” with prostitutes and tax collectors, it was because He was offering them forgiveness for their sinful ways and wanted them to reform their lives, repent their sins, and return to God, NOT because He approved of what they were doing. In today’s world, what Christ was doing is called hatred. Love does not mean approving of everything other people do, it means wanting what is best for them.

    As for this father, he forgot something from the Sermon on the Mount, where Christ told the gathered crowd that loving your friends is easy, but you must also love your enemies as well (and the father DID view this boyfriend as some sort of enemy, or he wouldn’t have banned him from the funeral). It’s regrettable he couldn’t put his differences aside for this one event.

  2. Nova says:
    May 19, 2011 at 10:14 am

    How very sad. Unfortunately it is not just people of the Christian faith who disprove of ones innate sexual orientaion. Ignorance and hatred are what ruin the lives of our brothers and sisters since the beginning of time. I have a good feeling though, that things are going to get better(just not soon enough) for future gay generations to be loved and accepted by all in society, through law, education and awareness. I am so happy that you and Stan are so truly in love, it is the most beautiful and greatest gift of all.

  3. Frances says:
    May 19, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Totally right on Bell

  4. Meredith says:
    May 25, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    I just wanted to say how beautifully written your blog was. I was friends with Tom in high school. I graduated from Culver the year after he did. Even then, he was the shoulder you could cry on, the listener and the advisor, without judgment. I held myself together at his graduation; until he gave me a hug sobbing … I started to sob too. Knox/Culver is still very much small town Indiana. He could not be out at our high school (although if you knew him well, you knew), and judgment and conservatism ran rampant. Perhaps the reason he and I were friends at all (besides our tiny French 4 class that we suffered through together) was our need to find a liberal voice in a closed community. I hope for everyone’s sake that things can change there. Tom had an effect on everyone who met him. I’m sure his legacy will have changed some thoughts, maybe not the mind of his father, but hopefully the future of our Alma Mater.

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