BLOG BELLA

The Los Angeles Hillbilly

// November 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

Blue Volkswagen Beetle Breakdown in Bel Air

// July 9th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

My Volkswagen Beetle is on it’s last leg and I for sure need a new car.

Laundromats in Los Angeles

// July 8th, 2010 // 7 Comments » // I Love LA., LA Done Me Wrong

The Belly Room at the Comedy Store

// April 8th, 2010 // 39 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

“I’m morbidly obese!”  The very slightly pudgy comedian onstage said.  I was at The Comedy Store last night with Stan and my brother Richard in the Belly Room awaiting our friend Brandon Phillips’ standup.  “If you don’t believe me,”  The dude onstage continued, “go look at the other gays on Santa Monica Boulevard.” 

Me on my bathroom floor

Driving through West Hollywood, seeing all the giant billboards with super hot, glistening men with perfect abs, and women wearing tiny bits of fabric masquerading as clothing makes me think that yes, I would like to reduce my 25″ tummy size which I just measured to be sure.  Why do I want such an absurdly tiny tummy?  Maybe because I live in Los Angeles where many people are obsessed with being physically perfect.  If I was still in Florida walking through Wal-Mart, moving aside to let the size 14 women in the aisles pass I might not care as much.  Recently, when a boyfriend told me I had a flabby tummy I went into the bathroom and cried.  “You think I’m not perfect!” was my inner diatribe.  Obviously I know I’m not perfect but I’d like the person I’m dating to think I am.  That would be nice.  Or maybe cracking on myself onstage in front of 90 strangers at the Comedy Store on Sunset would be the way to go.  It would be me, Bel, making fun of my belly in the Belly room.

No Taxes, “To Go” Food

// March 16th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

Today I made a discovery at the Los Angeles Coffee Bean across from the Wiltern on Wilshire and Western.  The employee in her hat and dark eyeliner asked me “Do you want that for here or to go?”  I was only purchasing a packaged caramel chocolate cookie.  “Does it really matter with this item?”  I asked as clearly there was no need for a “to go” bag.  “Actually yes, since we add tax if you are dining in.”  Hmm. 

So there you have it, friends.  Sitting your booty on a chair at Coffee Bean equals added sales tax on your bakery food items and hot beverages, whereas “to go” does not (as long as you are not purchasing any other hot food).  This is if the establishment, like Coffee Bean, chooses this policy and not the “let’s just tax everything!” policy of Starbucks. 

Here’s another titillating fact.  California has the highest state sales tax.

Take That! The Finger and American Idol.

// March 12th, 2010 // 7 Comments » // I Love LA., LA Done Me Wrong

It’s true. On the way in I felt the urge to flick off his security guard. So I did. The security guard totally deserved it.

It was 11:45pm and I was outside of Michael and Ray’s lavish West Hollywood apartment building. I pressed the buzzer button, waiting to be buzzed inside the building. The buzzer was taking it’s sweet time. Upon observation of the glass door, however, I saw it was conveniently ajar so I pushed it opened. Apparently this infuriated the security guard who until this moment I had not seen at all despite the fact that he was standing several feet away at the bottom of the staircase. “BUZZ YOURSELF IN JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!” I had just walked through the door, and at that moment the door began to buzz and I said “See, I buzzed myself in, just like everyone else. Thank you for your KIND POLITENESS!” I ran to the elevator. Realizing, however, that I hadn’t really given him the telling off he deserved, even though the words “kind” and “politeness” were dripping with sarcasm, I looked down through the glass elevator walls to see him looking up at me. I gave him the finger. It probably wasn’t a pretty sight since I hadn’t gotten a mani pedi in awhile but I think I did the right thing.

In other news, I really like Siobhan Magnus. She is endearingly expressive and I’m so glad she is one of American Idol’s top 12 right now.

The Bearded Lady on Wilshire Boulevard

// February 5th, 2010 // 9 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

Where did the time go?  We’re in the 2nd month of the year of our lord, 2010.  Right here, right now in Los Angeles.  I’m the oldest and wisest I’ve ever been in my whole entire life.  Just like every single person in the world.  It’s the laws of nature at work.  Well, oldest for sure.  Although wisest… perhaps. 

It’s quite possible that not everyone is at their wisest.  Like the bearded lady who lives at the end of our block on Wilshire Boulevard.  She has a very thick white beard.  She scrounges for food in the trash cans outside the many tall office buildings that line Wilshire, office people, students, random junkies coming and going.  Clearly, she’s homeless.  My brother and I have seen here several times when we drive by.  When we return on foot she’s gone.  Otherwise I’d offer her some sort of food in exchange for hearing her beard story.  Like how did it happen.  When did  she let herself go?  I’d like to hear that she at some point of her life was wiser than she is now, maybe had a home here in Los Angeles to live in, shaved her beard consistently and had some semblance of a normal life.  Like me… 

I’m off to pluck my chin hairs now.  All girls get them, by the way.  Some just get them thicker than others.

P.S.  Following this blog, my older, wiser friend Brandon emailed me
“This country didn’t have Homeless on this scale until Ronal Reagan.
I was overseas for most of his first term.
When I came back, I didn’t recognize my Country.”

Roommate Mark

// February 2nd, 2010 // 4 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

Our brother Jon left Los Angeles a month ago and Richard and myself got a new roommate, who I’ll refer to as Mark.  Mark’s a good guy but generally he speaks in a speed mumble, stream of consciousness manner.  “So Um Yaah like I went to the store you know there are a lot of stores in LA?  Yah, well lots of food we need food, sometimes I eat too it’s cold I’m not sure where to go yet my job is chill boring racism I experience in this ‘great’ country America what’s the weather like outside I wish I could find my socks after I left for work I brushed my teeth and realized yah, um we have no groceries in the fridge um yah like at 6am I needed to use the bathroom yah I slept 5 hours still tired racism against asians is rampant.” 

I try to make sense out of what he says but even if I ask a direct question such as “What duties does your current job entail?”  I’ll get another long mumbling diatribe in which I try to pick out key words to string together a cohesive answer.  It’s not easy, though.  I’ve hence found it best to just do all the talking myself “Wow, Mark.  You did a great job on the dishes.  That’s awesome that they’re giving you a lot of hours at work.  You look very nice today, btw.  Thank you so much for telling me about that job where they need Portuguese speakers.”  Now if I do ask questions, I’ll make sure they are ones requiring only a yes or no answer.  I think that’ll help us get along just fine here in our Koreatown apartment.  Mark happens to be leaving though now after just one month and I hope he enjoys his new place.

Goodbye, my Brother

// December 28th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // I Love LA., LA Done Me Wrong

I said goodbye to my brother Jon today.  A year ago he moved out here to Los Angeles to live with me.  Straight out of High School, he’d never lived away from the parents before.  Since I’d been on my own for some years I felt the heaviness of easing him into the “real world.”  Yes, the “real world” of Los Angeles.  If it is such a thing.  Me, big sister Bel, cosmopolitan, savvy to the world, polished.  Wow, was he in for a letdown. 

Psychiatrists might say this here blog of mine is the manifestation of a deep inner need to create a sense of community out of a place that has none.  Or has one that is constantly being shuffled and re-dealt.  In my four years in Los Angeles I’ve seen several people leave, including two of my very best friends, and now my brother.

The first was Nova who I’d met a couple of times in college.  She was my sister Star’s friend.  We didn’t run in the same circles.  When I re-met her in the big bad town of Los Angeles, however, instant deep friendship formed.  She eased me into the real world of Los Angeles.  “Bel, you seriously can’t dress like that out here.  We’re not in the backwoods of Florida.  What are you thinking?”  She said when I wore a ridiculous hippy getup, complete with cargo pants to the Abbey.  She was never afraid to say what was on her mind.  Living in Los Angeles wasn’t on her mind.  She’d had enough of trying to help her husband’s music career and wanted to raise her toddlers in Colorado.

James Tudor, was my next best friend.  A person who again, I instantly bonded with.  A brilliant young mind who’d moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting.  At the age of 15 he’d  made enough money playing the stock market that he’d moved to France for a couple of years paying his way through Cours Florent, a prestigious acting school in Paris.  His warm, yet hillbilly family were left behind, mouths ajar.  James subsequently came to Los Angeles, took some acting classes, starred in some films while working to launch Nintendo Wii, where we met and became best friends in a matter of months.  I was heartbroken but happy for him last year when he shed the hustle of the Los Angeles acting scene to move back to Ohio and become a Doctor. 

My dear little bro Jon, on the other hand, moved out here to find something, he wasn’t sure what.  Having always looked up to me, he perhaps thought I’d make whatever inner turmoil he had better.  We’d laugh and joke and smoke and drink.  Half of that we did do.  Jon is funny as hell, brilliantly musically minded, instantly likeable with a keen sense of awareness.  Maybe not self awareness.  He doesn’t quite see his full potential.  I wish he could see himself through my eyes, but I can’t grow up for someone else.  So now I let Jon go, wish him the best and trust that he will find his own life’s path, Los Angeles or no Los Angeles.

Bank Fees in Los Angeles and Everywhere

// December 7th, 2009 // 12 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

So a friend of mine in Los Angeles who shall remain anonymous, let’s call him Jaramush which is a nice name, perhaps even an improvement on his own name, well, he tells me the following tale of woe.

Jaramush has been unemployed and struggling to find work in this beautiful economy linking us all together rag-tag like.  Predictably, he’s not doing well financially.  He’s also not the best at math.  So, using his debit card, Jaramush in Los Angeles, went over his Bank balance by $15.16.  For that atrocity he was charged $175 in fees!  And why wouldn’t he be?  Going over your account $15 is a crime of infinite proportions.  Yes, dear Jaramush, even you should know that.

Wells Fargo, bless your little heart.  Oh, wait.  Do you have a heart?  Each transaction, of which Jaramush had 5 (that month, each a few dollars to equal $15.16 over), he was charged $35 for.  Hence $35 x 5 equals the $175 in fees.

Years ago, I recall if you didn’t have the money, your card was simply declined.  Now, banks have realized that allowing the customer to go over by a few bucks in their purchase and them slapping them with a $35 per transaction fees is in their best interest.  Especially in this economy.  In 2009, banks are expected to earn $38.5 billion in overdraft fees, up 42% from 2003.  That’s BILLION.  Yes, $38.5 BILLION.  The people are struggling while the banks are snatching up more from them.

Now for the good news.  The power of the people.  Because of the attention of the media and the consumer outrage, we have people in our very Senate working for change!  Hooray!  If you are going to pay $1.75 for that cup of coffee and be charged $35 shouldn’t you be aware of it?  Jaramush thought so.

A measure unveiled by Sen. Christopher Dodd would give Jaramush a choice in whether he wants to participate in overdraft programs that charge fees for covering ATM withdrawals and debit card transactions.  The mere threat of this legislation prompted Bank of America, JPMorgan Chase, and Wells Fargo to announce some changes to their overdraft procedures in September.  After going on YouTube and seeing multiple rants on bank overdraft fees, Jaramush didn’t feel quite so alone and called Wells Fargo who did reduce his $175 in fees to $87.50, at least a small victory.  So I say go Jaramush, out into the wide world of Los Angeles and manage your money more wisely.