BLOG BELLA

Boba and Smoothies in Los Angeles

// April 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // I Love LA.

I conned my friend Rose into an “All You Can Drink” Boba and smoothie outing.

The Belly Room at the Comedy Store

// April 8th, 2010 // 39 Comments » // LA Done Me Wrong

“I’m morbidly obese!”  The very slightly pudgy comedian onstage said.  I was at The Comedy Store last night with Stan and my brother Richard in the Belly Room awaiting our friend Brandon Phillips’ standup.  “If you don’t believe me,”  The dude onstage continued, “go look at the other gays on Santa Monica Boulevard.” 

Me on my bathroom floor

Driving through West Hollywood, seeing all the giant billboards with super hot, glistening men with perfect abs, and women wearing tiny bits of fabric masquerading as clothing makes me think that yes, I would like to reduce my 25″ tummy size which I just measured to be sure.  Why do I want such an absurdly tiny tummy?  Maybe because I live in Los Angeles where many people are obsessed with being physically perfect.  If I was still in Florida walking through Wal-Mart, moving aside to let the size 14 women in the aisles pass I might not care as much.  Recently, when a boyfriend told me I had a flabby tummy I went into the bathroom and cried.  “You think I’m not perfect!” was my inner diatribe.  Obviously I know I’m not perfect but I’d like the person I’m dating to think I am.  That would be nice.  Or maybe cracking on myself onstage in front of 90 strangers at the Comedy Store on Sunset would be the way to go.  It would be me, Bel, making fun of my belly in the Belly room.

A Night in Los Angeles

// March 10th, 2010 // 11 Comments » // I Love LA.

Since Bel has gone on hiatus because she’s involved in a serious case of infatuation, I thought I might fill in for her lack of Blogging with my own Los Angeles story.  As soon as she has a second to get away from the relationship and to a computer, she’ll be back (meaning she’ll do the next blog).  I’m Brandon and a good friend of hers in case you were wondering.

First let me throw out two blatant plugs before I get into my own Los Angeles story.  I’m a comedian and video editor.  Come see me at the Ice House Annex in Pasadena on Monday 3/15 $5, two drink minimum.  Bel will be there.  Secondly, if you need a editor pick me.

 
So last week I was given some misleading information about the Pig’n Whistle’s open mic night for comics, being told incorrectly that it was Tuesday and Bel, her brother and his girlfriend, let’s call them “Richard and Christine,” showed up to see me.  Much to my pain there was no such open mic taking place that day, but rather the following day.  Richard and Christine were really nice, but Bel, besides showing off her very sparkly pink nail polish, was in a bad mood.  She was sort of a Be–ach! No biggie, we all have our moments.  What can I say, you’re all friends with her, I was just in shock that her infectious positive energy was noticeably absent.  We talked for a bit, and then they left.  Already inside Pig’n Whistle I decided a pint of Bass Ale might do me good.  Sipping my second pint, I met a woman that I really hit if off with, the first woman in my life to write down all of her info for me, meticulously, on a napkin.  I hadn’t even asked!  She seemed like a potential, friend/mate, but she lives in NY!

 
After she left, and onto my third pint, I met this guy, and he said, “I’m drinking Tequila,” I said, “I’m drinking Beer.”  He bought me several shots of Tequila and suggested that we go to a Karaoke Bar.  On the way to the club he asked me if I was Gay and I said, “No, are you?”  He said, “No” but suspiciously continued to buy me Tequila and Coronas all night.   After drinking him under the table I called two of my female friends who are homosexual yet paradoxically Republican and born again and don’t drink, for ride home at two in the morning.  Despite our political and religious views being opposite, they still picked me up.

When I woke up the next day, it took me a few minutes to remember how I got home and realize that I must have been looking freaking hot that night, since I drank free all night long and was hit on by both sexes!

Where else can you get an ego boost like that besides Los Angeles?